my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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