I could have mohawked her pubes.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
