I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
