no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
