Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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