apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
