I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
