Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
