"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
