And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
