I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You pole danced in your parka.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
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