Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
