he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
