I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
