shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
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