He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
