I faked an abortion last night.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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