You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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