She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
