just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
