Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
