she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
