Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize