I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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