you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
