You made me cry and you don't even care
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize