Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
