I wish I could punch you in the face.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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