did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
