i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
