this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
