the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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