the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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