He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
