if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
