genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize