i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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