remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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