That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
