also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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