you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
