I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
