Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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