Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Randomize
