the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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