i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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