There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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