He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
