If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
