he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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