Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize