im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
