Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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