i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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