PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i was born a porn star she said
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
