At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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