their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize