Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
