After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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