It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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