how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
