Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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