"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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