dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
