Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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