He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
