Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
