Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
