How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
