At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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