During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
