i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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