I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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